Who said "never" and finally did the opposite?
To have fun after this lucid awareness, I made a list of 'never' that I had set but where I had to change my mind. The list is long…
For security purposes? Fear? By principle -moronic or important? Why do we say 'never'?
Because principles, security or fear are not necessarily excuses. According to our personality, our needs for changes or stable structures, in the long run many of us have already said 'fuck'.
Fuck off the pressure I would never put myself on because of some;
Fuck, decisions I cannot make if I listen and let myself be influenced by others.
Damn, I cannot force myself into this x situation, it's over, I have to change something.
So that happens and we get along with what we have, where we are, to improve the daily life and things that happen in our lives. Find a balance.
(For example leaving a place, abandoning people on the road, moving, losing breath, working on one's body, traveling, registering somewhere ...)
Take inspiration from others, refuse to be impressed (and compare) before you can realize what makes you proud.
Take inspiration from books, smells, experiences, films; find a remaining motivation in the bottom of the drawer, accept it, turn off the screen, turn off the phone and watch the world in real life, seize the moment without sharing it, without prejudice or judgment, without expectations.
Patiently open the wings. I said patiently.
I recognize once again that rhetoric has no place to be, because you have to act, live and gain experience to know yourself better. So, I stop there because the practice is laborious, the daily life is so different from the theoretical words, yet, we know when it is worth forcing itself. I am convinced that this work can be done at any age.
Thanks to these two and a half months in Southeast Asia, I can nevertheless allow myself to write this, to find the words on results that I have the chance to attest. Because at one point, I took my balls (yes), I plugged my ears and I went to the place I intended to go, 'just to see with my own eyes’. Because that was what I wanted to do. Massage in Thailand, help in Cambodia, meditate in Vietnam. That's all.
Of course, I took risks to go half-blind in a place with no guarantee of results ...
Because what interests me is not the satisfaction of the idea ... but the experience. As dubitative than unforgettable.
So far in my life, I hardly listened to my inner voice, I have never found 'my way' either. And unconsciously, when I finally said ‘fuck’, I saw some kind of path, my way. It was hard at first but I was able to savor my choice later, pride nestled in a smile. My risk taking, my abominable doubts that made me write forty pages: in those moments, the sky helped me like never before and it's amazing how everything coincides. But I already said one day, there are no coincidences.
In real life over two and a half months, there have been two and a half weeks of 'happiness'. The rest was nothing but doubts, regrets for not being able to listen to my instinct, endless journeys in bus, new ideas, illusions, questions or remain neutral, re-doubts, seeming certainties, discoveries-awakening and happiness finally. A pretty wave, roller coaster as mum said, this is what we go through to learn.
I don’t want to tell in detail what brings me to this speech, but this part of the journey motivated by: 'to see what others like in these few places' taught me at the most concrete what it's to listen to myself, why it's neither selfish nor altruistic, but why it's important to do it, especially during the 20s.
It is neither a question of trying to trust ourselves. Confidence is another variable and complicated subject. Just listen to you and know precisely, thanks to this voice, what is the most accurate and the best to do at that moment. Test your bodily or mental limits if the situation is propitious, know how to say no, know how to say stop or on the contrary, push the performance.
And everyone knows it. Sometimes does not care. To say shit, and to experience it, it is life.
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